Don't Drink My Not Vodka, It's Not Vodka

I'm saving it to drink with my lunch.

See Also: Don't Touch My Food

Don't Touch My Food

When you place food items in the office refrigerator, it is wise to place a note on them with your name and also a date. If that does not suffice in keeping your food items unmolested, you can try a different approach.

Caution: Man Jumping On Stack Of Mattresses

Watch where you're going, you could get jumped.

See Something Say Something

On the Metro buses of King County, there are warning posters which urge you to "See something? Say something!" This one has a picture of someone who looks like someone I know.


What I can't tell is: is the expression on his face supposed to reflect how vigilant the passengers should be in seeking out suspicious people or behavior? Or are we supposed to call 9-1-1 when we see this guy on the bus? He looks like he is up to something, and it ain't good.

Frosty The Cylon Spy

This USB Snowbot appeared on my desk. Is it spying on me? Is there a microphone or camera hidden inside it?

Who's watching me? This is not helping my paranoid panic attacks.

Fierce and Yellow

Click the picture to see the full-sized image.

Although still quite fierce, since this book was published in 1922, we got nice bronze tans on the beach after our Mediterranean conquests.

Attack of the Mullah Marshmallows

These marshmallows have been "prepared in accordance with Islamic Sharia".

A militant ape with martial arts training, a brazen paratrooper commando, and some sort of hashish-fueled assassin are involved in a ubiquitous attack against America.

Some years ago I tried to teach myself the Arabic alphabet, and my own mother tongue is richly infused with words of Arabic origin. With that foundation of knowledge, I have attempted to translate the writings on this packaging and have concluded that they say "Torment upon torment to the Western infidels, God's vengeful wrath upon the occupiers, with corn syrup and dextrose."

Chocolate Mushroom Cult Threatens America

A friend alerted me that the Korean Chocolate Mushroom Cult now has packaging translated to English. I have decoded the secret codes on the package and have concluded that it contains threats to our American way of life.


The mascot has now kicked some kind of bird (The American Eagle?) causing it to experience head trauma. Descriptive labels point out "Mini Biscuit" and "Chocolate" - rearrange the letters in these words to spell "I lob iconic I teach smut". They are determined to undermine traditional American Icons and corrupt our youth. Or "Bulimic atheist in Coco", or "Bush omit cocaine licit", or "Cubical homo tits in ice", or "I built mince cocoa shit". Clearly an attack on our cultural values is imminent or has already started - or there is something bad in these cookies. They were, however, very tasty.

"Have fun with your friend Choco Boy" is most certainly a coded call to arms, or a signal to sleeper cells to take nefarious action.

Rachael Ray Takes America's Donuts Hostage

That brilliant political analyst Michelle Malkin has not been fooled by America's Sweetheart Rachael Ray's "I'm not a terrorist" act. She is, apparently, a terrorist.

It is not difficult to be convinced by the evidence on hand.

Creepy Korean Chocolate Mushroom Snack

I find snack items from other countries very interesting. I found this box of Choco Songi Choco Snack in a Korean grocery market a few years ago.

On the package, the anthropomorphic leader chocolate mushroom exudes charm and confidence; he displays an alarming level of control over the others. He leads several smaller obedient mushrooms through a pleasant village, to what we can only guess is a horrific mass suicide ritual.