Caution: Falling Is Fun!

It is a good idea to put a sign when there is a danger of customers sustaining injury on your premises. In case someone gets hurt, you are covered against lawsuits.

"Weeeeeeeeeee!!!"

Unless your sign suggests that the process of sustaining that injury is also a fun experience, especially for kids. Even more so if the setting is a water park in which the sign can be interpreted as an additional activity like the wave pool or the tornado slide.

Forgive Me For I Thought I Could Sin Here

I decided to visit a church in the area after seeing a notice about their Sunday offerings.

The most recent house of worship from which I was forcibly ejected by security.

Not having been raised in the tradition of Christendom, I was unfamiliar with the true function of the array of private booths that lined the wall. My complaints about the entertainment on the other side of the divider caused most unfortunate confusion.

While being escorted out of the service by church security guards who became physically forceful, I turned the other cheek.

The Facebooks Know What You Might Like

Technology is frightening, your phone knows what you wanted. And the interwebs understand you more than you know. But sometimes robots do not have the human touch and make their suggestions in inappropriate groupings.

I love Pixar movies, that is true. Toy Story 3 made me cry. So obviously I would like nekkid pr()Nz.

I Love The Children I Have But...

While in the waiting room at a medical office, I noticed this ad in a parenting magazine about children.

You read this magazine because you care about your kids

It has articles about the best playgrounds in the city to take your children. On the opposite page is an advertisement for people who are sick of taking children to parks.

But just in case you don't want to care about any more

Or perhaps it is to scare people who picked up the magazine from boredom, suggesting to them they should never want to have a reason to pick up such a magazine.

Maybe you want to take your kid to a salon, or find a nanny.
Or maybe you want none of those things, ever.

Get A Good Screw Here Without Going There

Sometimes you see a place with Chicago Pizza in its name, but you are far away from Chicago. Or Texas BBQ, or Philadelphia Cheesesteak but you are not in TX or Philly.

Yet still you are comforted by the idea that you don't have to go all the way there to get a taste of the good stuff for which that place is well known.

Yet another place of business from which I was forcibly ejected by security.

Being not too near Tacoma but intrigued with the prospect of getting a good taste of the best Tacoma has to offer, I had to pull off the freeway.

I was very disappointed after my Everett fiasco but thought this was going to be different.

As I was being escorted off the property by security, I was in disbelief when management made the claim that never had anyone exited the highway and entered their premises in search of whores.

Girls Can Not Have This Chocolate Either

Following (or leading) the trend of sexist chocolate, this one is also not recommended for girls.

I'm waiting to see the candy that women will not allow men to have.

Sorry, Girls, This Chocolate Is For Men.

Women can't handle this.

Another item which proves men are better equipped to endure bitterness than women. This bitter chocolate snack is made for men. Women can not withstand its power. According to the warning on the packaging written in Japanese, which I understand fluently -- or "wakarimasu" -- only 11% of women have the strength to tolerate the flavor of these chocolate-dipped twigs.

Update: This is also not for girls.

50 Beautiful And 3 Ugly Ones

Clever sign to sell mobile phones makes a reference to popular tagline of a well known chain of strip clu... gentlemen's clubs. I'll take one of the ugly ones.

I've only seen the sign from the road.

Jelly Rats

The Swedes do it again. Add to this their list of contributions (see Action Stars, Pop Icons, Safe Automobiles, Masters of Cuisine, Robotic Tennis Stars, Unpronounceable Furniture, Controversial Advertising Figures, and recognition of excellence in all the aforementioned areas) to make the world a better place.

Update: Swedish coffee induces Hella Boners.

Why Terrorists Hate Our Freedom

Because dogs need to feel cozy when changing television channels or playing backgammon.

Stuart Wants To Shag Your Grandparents

(click for larger view)

What will your grandmother think when this truck pulls up to the the curb?

Where To Get A Bone & Joint In This Town

Driving around in Everett late at night, I was excited to see the sign for a place which offered exactly what you want to discover in a place like Everett late at night.

Another place of business from which I was forcibly ejected by security.

Needless to say I was quite disappointed to learn that this was not a place where I could get the two things that the sign suggests.

As I was being escorted out, I found hard to believe their assertion that nobody else had ever come in expecting services involving drugs and whores.

Free Hi-Def Monitor with Gamer Chair

My generous neighbor decided to give a free Hi-Def monitor with a gamer chair to the first lucky person who wants it.

Spicy Or Sweet? Or... This Should Get Me Honor Killed

I ran across an ad on a website, and since I work in the internet advertising software universe, I was compelled to click (not because the girl is pretty). Theretofore I was unaware of the abundance of Hot Muslim Singles in my area, both of the Spicy and the Sweet varieties.

I wonder what my favorite Saudi cleric would have to say about this. Also, would my wife approve of the girl in the picture as a possible candidate to fill one of three remaining spouse slots. She must be a traditional girl, look at the Islamic geometric patterns on her swimsuit.

Sweet Supari!

See Something Say Something

On the Metro buses of King County, there are warning posters which urge you to "See something? Say something!" This one has a picture of someone who looks like someone I know.


What I can't tell is: is the expression on his face supposed to reflect how vigilant the passengers should be in seeking out suspicious people or behavior? Or are we supposed to call 9-1-1 when we see this guy on the bus? He looks like he is up to something, and it ain't good.

Dish Network Thinks I Can Read Chinese

I can't read it. But from how happy that guy looks, this must be a good deal.

Rachael Ray Takes America's Donuts Hostage

That brilliant political analyst Michelle Malkin has not been fooled by America's Sweetheart Rachael Ray's "I'm not a terrorist" act. She is, apparently, a terrorist.

It is not difficult to be convinced by the evidence on hand.

Love and Honor God with Fried Chicken

Sometimes in our busy lives, we don't take time to reflect spiritually upon our blessings. Fortunately, Oprah's (and my) favorite fried chicken restaurant Ezell's reminds us that we must love and honor God.

I give thanks much like the ancient Greeks performed ritual sacrifice: in the form of a pyramid of chicken bones piled high after worshipful gluttony.