Smoke Crack All Day WiFi

I decided to check my email while riding the bus, and my phone informed me of the available wireless networks within range.

Cups For Nuts

The bottom shelf of the cabinet on the left in the kitchen at my office. I don't think it was necessary to label the specific purpose of these cups. Furthermore, I don't think it was necessary to call security.

Where To Get A Bone & Joint In This Town

Driving around in Everett late at night, I was excited to see the sign for a place which offered exactly what you want to discover in a place like Everett late at night.

Another place of business from which I was forcibly ejected by security.

Needless to say I was quite disappointed to learn that this was not a place where I could get the two things that the sign suggests.

As I was being escorted out, I found hard to believe their assertion that nobody else had ever come in expecting services involving drugs and whores.

The YouTubes' Creepy Relevance Algorithm

How does The YouTubes make the connection between my video of Ozan conducting a baking-soda rocket experiment seen here:



and the "Related Videos" that it suggests?

Since there are no tags or keywords in the description of the rocket science video, it is rather amazing that they assumed I am a Funny Dancing Turkish Man, surrounded by crazy people from the Indian subcontinent as a result of a wedding.

Ball Cake!

I've already covered my hypothesis that the whole world loves ball-shaped foods. Proof of the theorem to follow, and I won't go into more detail here. But...

Always on the lookout for arrangements of words I can use as expressions of delight or anguish originally unintended as such, like "Sweet Supari!", I am pleased to announce my latest discovery:

Ball Cake!

e.g.:

Negative usage:
"Hey man, I heard there are going to be layoffs."
"Ball Cake!"

Positive usage:
"You are being promoted to director."
"Ball Cake!"

Hot Kid Honey Ball Cookies

There are many differences across cultures of the world. We speak different languages, we wear different pants. But we are united in the love of honey-flavored and ball-shaped snacks. There is still hope.

Halloween: Sexy Time Of Cleaning And Damnation

Halloween is upon us. According to some, it is an evil occasion that must be avoided. Judging from the popularity of these French maid costumes at the Halloween costume store, this is probably a good time of the year to do some cleaning around the house.


and perhaps do some cleansing of the soul by way of prayer...

These nuns are like nun other.

I wonder what Sheikh Abdul Mohsin Al-Obaikan would say about this. I also wonder, why do all those people who went to Catholic school complain about nuns who spanked them?

It may be a time of evil, or a time of cleaning, or prayer. That is up to the individual to decide. But certainly this will be a time to celebrate Gamblin', Liquor, and Whores for all.

Break Me Off A Piece Of That Crazy Japanese KitKat Bar

Thanks to Donald who brought me a bunch of crazy KitKat flavors from his trip to Japan:

Apple vinegar, apples & carrots, green tea, white chocolate (the most boring flavor in this group), the "I don't know WTF this is" according to Donald (which we determined is something with rice puffs and perhaps red beans) although the picture on the box suggests a meatball enveloped by a tater-tot, plums, dark chocolate with butter cookie, and... yes... soy sauce KitKats.

Just one missing ingredient: Hell Fire

Your Prayers May Be Rendered Invalid

After receiving a warning from beyond, I decided to observe the fast for the entire month of Ramadan. The month of fasting is followed by a communal Eid al-Fitr prayer service, followed by uncontrolled eating.

This year, several area mosque organizations arranged for a joint gathering and rented out the exhibition center for a crowd of what looked like several thousand believers, with a few doubtfuls mixed in.

Perhaps I need to consult with my favorite Saudi cleric to be certain, but I suspect that the prayers of thousands may have been rendered invalid by the banner of a liquor-sipping barelegged seductress in a house of games-of-chance in clear sight. In other words, Gamblin', Liquor, and Whores.

Mid 90s Turkish-Mexican Nicholas Cage

The artist who drew this portrait of me in Mexico in 1999 may have thought that I was Nicholas Cage from Kiss Of Death (1995).

Or perhaps someone from a Soviet propaganda poster from World War II. But of course, in Soviet Russia, portrait draws YOU!

Gamblin', Liquor, and Whores. And SEO

As a software engineer working mostly on the web, I have had to deal with the black magic art of SEO. But few people know my true love is the arts that include literature, music, and cinema.

So it was a pleasant confluence of concerns when I found out that I have fine-tuned the SEO value of the term Gamblin', Liquor, and Whores -- which I intend to make the name of my first yet-to-be-released album of the best music you will have ever heard -- as a way to find this very blog.

I suppose I can now also put SEO Expert on my software engineering resume.

Free Hi-Def Monitor with Gamer Chair

My generous neighbor decided to give a free Hi-Def monitor with a gamer chair to the first lucky person who wants it.

Reflections on Humanity, Economics, and Whores

While I appreciate honesty on the part of people who ask something of me, I do not think "Why lie, I need beer" or "Need cash for weed" merit my donation. Sorry, I can't support your bad habit. Unless...

This guy went for the unexpected. He also got points for politeness ("please"). I gave him a dollar for the privilege of taking his photo. Later I pondered that if he got someone to donate the full amount, he would have to sacrifice on quality in one of the two items he is requesting. (If I'm wrong about that, I would be interested in further information.)

See also: Reflections on Limitations

Coffee Receipt Of The Beast

While waiting to get some schmancy coffee drinks at a sidewalk espresso stand, I told a friend that I was considering not observing the ritual fast in the holy month of Ramadan this year.

According to Islamic tradition, it is said that during this month, the gates of hell are locked and the devils are chained.

My friend paid for our coffees and pointed out that the receipt had a warning for me.

Let him that hath understanding calculate the total of our bill.

Saturday Night Fatwa

They Urgently Need Software Engineers

(Click the picture to see the full-sized image)

A *friend* who responded to some software engineering job postings later sent the recruiter a follow-up email to inquire about the status of those positions, pointing out the urgent need of the company to hire these developers.

Spicy Or Sweet? Or... This Should Get Me Honor Killed

I ran across an ad on a website, and since I work in the internet advertising software universe, I was compelled to click (not because the girl is pretty). Theretofore I was unaware of the abundance of Hot Muslim Singles in my area, both of the Spicy and the Sweet varieties.

I wonder what my favorite Saudi cleric would have to say about this. Also, would my wife approve of the girl in the picture as a possible candidate to fill one of three remaining spouse slots. She must be a traditional girl, look at the Islamic geometric patterns on her swimsuit.

Sweet Supari!

Automatic Ball Washer Systems

A few minutes before I was escorted out by security, this is what I saw at the kids' fun park. Well then why do you put it there in the first place?!

See Something Say Something

On the Metro buses of King County, there are warning posters which urge you to "See something? Say something!" This one has a picture of someone who looks like someone I know.


What I can't tell is: is the expression on his face supposed to reflect how vigilant the passengers should be in seeking out suspicious people or behavior? Or are we supposed to call 9-1-1 when we see this guy on the bus? He looks like he is up to something, and it ain't good.

Phone Call From (res) tri-cted

Click the picture to see the full-sized image.

Some LOL-ness from my online voicemail tool. Someone tell these guys to use s/(\d{3})(\d{3})(\d{4})/($1) $2-$3/ to match a phone number pattern instead of /(.{3})(.{3})(.{4})/. For a text manipulation geek -- and nobody else -- this is (HYS) TER-ICAL!

Smokin' Poles At The Airport

Frosty The Cylon Spy

This USB Snowbot appeared on my desk. Is it spying on me? Is there a microphone or camera hidden inside it?

Who's watching me? This is not helping my paranoid panic attacks.

Sweet Supari

This was at a local Indian grocery store. My wife tells me supari is something people chew in South Asia. Do they have pictures of wanted fugitives on all Indian snack boxes? My new expression of surprise: Sweet Supari!
UPDATE: Some more info and in-depth analysis of this issue here. Thanks to Owais Mughal for that article.

Put It In The Cold Sack

If you want to keep your stuff firm and fresh.