The Facebooks Know What You Might Like

Technology is frightening, your phone knows what you wanted. And the interwebs understand you more than you know. But sometimes robots do not have the human touch and make their suggestions in inappropriate groupings.

I love Pixar movies, that is true. Toy Story 3 made me cry. So obviously I would like nekkid pr()Nz.

Funky Groovy Disco Eid

The prayers of the faithful at this observance of Eid al-Adha were reflected in the shiny disco ball hanging above. No word on whether my favorite Saudi cleric has voiced his approval of this possibly idolatrous object hovering above the supplicants bowed in prayer.

See also: temptress invalidates your prayers

Evil Russian Squirrel Wants You To Eat His Nuts

Die Goldmädchen: Thank You For Being A Nazi

We loved the Golden Girls. They were wise, dumb, cynical, and slutty. They told stories of St. Olaf Minnesota, They made us picture Sicily in the 1920s. They entertained gentleman callers on the lanai. But mostly they ate cheesecake in the kitchen.

On their Nazi chairs!

(click the photos for a better view)

Forks And Other Things In The Road

On the highway of life, you will be presented with many decisions. Do you take this one, or the next one?

I Love The Children I Have But...

While in the waiting room at a medical office, I noticed this ad in a parenting magazine about children.

You read this magazine because you care about your kids

It has articles about the best playgrounds in the city to take your children. On the opposite page is an advertisement for people who are sick of taking children to parks.

But just in case you don't want to care about any more

Or perhaps it is to scare people who picked up the magazine from boredom, suggesting to them they should never want to have a reason to pick up such a magazine.

Maybe you want to take your kid to a salon, or find a nanny.
Or maybe you want none of those things, ever.

Reflections on Personal Limitations and Desires

I admire people who do not hesitate to point out their limitations, and are not afraid to tell you what they like.


See also: Reflections on Humanity

Get A Good Screw Here Without Going There

Sometimes you see a place with Chicago Pizza in its name, but you are far away from Chicago. Or Texas BBQ, or Philadelphia Cheesesteak but you are not in TX or Philly.

Yet still you are comforted by the idea that you don't have to go all the way there to get a taste of the good stuff for which that place is well known.

Yet another place of business from which I was forcibly ejected by security.

Being not too near Tacoma but intrigued with the prospect of getting a good taste of the best Tacoma has to offer, I had to pull off the freeway.

I was very disappointed after my Everett fiasco but thought this was going to be different.

As I was being escorted off the property by security, I was in disbelief when management made the claim that never had anyone exited the highway and entered their premises in search of whores.

January Mubarak

But it's only June.

January Mubarak is:

a) Sister of Egyptian president Hosni Mubarak.

b) Syrian stunt double of Mad Men actress January Jones.

c) A subtle hint to replace the lunar month of Ramadan with the solar month of January in which fasting from dawn to sunset is a small ordeal considering the short days and cool weather. Nice try, CAPTCHA, but not even my favorite Saudi cleric would support this kind of reform.

Milk Solves Problems You Didn't Even Consider

My favorite Saudi cleric Sheikh Al-Obaikan is in the news again. He presents a milky solution to deal with the problem of unrleated men and women socializing freely.

"The man should take the milk, but not directly from the breast of the woman," Al Obeikan said, according to Gulf News. "He should drink it and then becomes a relative of the family, a fact that allows him to come in contact with the women without breaking Islam's rules about mixing."

Girls Can Not Have This Chocolate Either

Following (or leading) the trend of sexist chocolate, this one is also not recommended for girls.

I'm waiting to see the candy that women will not allow men to have.

Creamy Colon Snack

Nothing satisfies a snack craving like...

Cream-filled for that refreshing feeling.

Sorry, Girls, This Chocolate Is For Men.

Women can't handle this.

Another item which proves men are better equipped to endure bitterness than women. This bitter chocolate snack is made for men. Women can not withstand its power. According to the warning on the packaging written in Japanese, which I understand fluently -- or "wakarimasu" -- only 11% of women have the strength to tolerate the flavor of these chocolate-dipped twigs.

Update: This is also not for girls.

The iPhone Knows What You Really Meant

No, I did not mean that

I was searching for a Coinstar app in the iPhone App Store so I could locate a nearby machine and exchange my coins for a gift certificate. The iPhone made an unsettling assumption -- perhaps with uncanny insight -- about what I wanted to find.

50 Beautiful And 3 Ugly Ones

Clever sign to sell mobile phones makes a reference to popular tagline of a well known chain of strip clu... gentlemen's clubs. I'll take one of the ugly ones.

I've only seen the sign from the road.

Phone Booth Party

Some people need to have a drink before making important phone calls, like interviewing for a job or asking someone out for a date. Sometimes it takes a few to get your courage in place. Sometimes you can't wait to get to the party, and must have your own at the transit center.

Jelly Rats

The Swedes do it again. Add to this their list of contributions (see Action Stars, Pop Icons, Safe Automobiles, Masters of Cuisine, Robotic Tennis Stars, Unpronounceable Furniture, Controversial Advertising Figures, and recognition of excellence in all the aforementioned areas) to make the world a better place.

Update: Swedish coffee induces Hella Boners.

Chinese Cigarettes Emotionally Manipulative

The warning sticker on this pack of cigarettes is either playing on the guilt of polluting women and children's space with second-hand smoke, or these people are frightened by the approach of the fire-breathing Godzilla.

Umar's Television Debut

Umar opens the show



Umar has a situation



Umar makes a big mistake



Umar... WTF

Why Terrorists Hate Our Freedom

Because dogs need to feel cozy when changing television channels or playing backgammon.

Butt Connectors

Butt Connectors

Insert joke here. Then connect it to another joke, with one of these.

Stuart Wants To Shag Your Grandparents

(click for larger view)

What will your grandmother think when this truck pulls up to the the curb?

Nothing Satisfies Hunger Like Hot Garbage

Thanks to Umar for taking this photo at a CVS drugstore in Chicago.

Happy Birthday Jesus, In The Name Of Allah

In Fremont, CA on Christmas day. Next to the restaurant named Bismillah (In The Name Of God) is the marquee for the theater which reminds us what Christmas is. Or perhaps this is a little clash of civilizations in the neighborhood.

As for the restaurant, it is part of an alarming trend:

(click to view larger)